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Dejection & Ego Boosters

white and red paper boat on white surface

(August 2021-22 Schoolyear)

“I see you’re in our tab.” Mephi says leaning next to me on the couch and glancing at my screen.

“Yep.” I sigh.

“Aren’t you supposed to be working on something right now? That beta-reading that you promised?”

“Yep”.

“And yet you’re here.” He raises a singular dark eyebrow at me, his currently dark green eyes staring at me, expecting an explanation.

“I got caught up reading my own writing.” I provide.

“That’s one way to boost your puny confidence I suppose.” His mouth quirks into a smile.

“More like trodding it down. I had planned to do so much this summer, and I did so very little. And now I don’t even have time to do anything.”

“Ahh… The website?”

“And the Club/Camp. And the Recommendation Letters. And all the other stuff I should have done.”

I catch Mephi with his thoughtful face on, a rare sight. It only really happens when he is considering if he can get away with doing something less than demonic. That look fades and I quickly glance away before he can see me watching him.

“Hey” He says, “At least you did your German, and Beta Reading right? And finished most of those edits, and all your summer work.”

“True.”

“Also, those recommendation letters might not even be necessary if you decide that you just want to take a gap year to write. Besides, camp would have been too expensive, and that club wasn’t even very good for mentors. You aren’t ready to publish yet, you’re not at the best you could be. The website… Well that is your fault, but hey after working with your dad on his website you’ll know a lot more about how to build one.”

“If I can work with him. I need to improve my writing. A lot. Not to mention the beta reading I still have to do. And the D&D characters I have to make. And next week I have to repeat all this.”

“Just keep in mind that you graduate this spring. And taking a gap year means that you won’t have to do that next year. You can worry about applications, if you are going to worry about them, after the German trip.”

“If we even have enough money to do that.”

“Sarah, you and I both know that if you don’t end up making enough money from this publishing and podcasting thing that you’re doing for senior project plus all the babysitting money you’ll be making that you’ll take it out of that 5,000 dollars your parents have stashed somewhere, so don’t try to pull that depressed stuff with me and get to work on fulfilling your promises.”

I smirk at him, and type down the last line.

“Wait.” Mephi says, just now realizing. “You didn’t set this up just to make me give you an ego boost did you? There’s no way you could have planned all that.”

“Don’t worry, it wasn’t just an ego booster. I’m not that petty.” I say, “Although I did need the ego booster after reading all the plans I didn’t get done, I really just wanted you to help me make the decision on the gap year. I find writing my plans out often makes them seem more real.”

“But you’re typing this Sarah.”

“So? Same difference psychologically.”

“You can backspace on the computer.”

“I wouldn’t cut that out part. This is like the diary I never wrote. I’ll edit for spelling and commas, but not subject topics.”

“Why?”

“Why does anyone write a diary? It’s because otherwise I’ll forget who I used to be.” I smile at him. “Now I need to get to work. I have a promise to fulfill.”

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